HOORAY!...looks like less than a week and I will be working...It's a start...Kinda looking forward to it, I need to get started somewhere and paying bills sounds like a great place to begin. I am a little nervous about working with kids but I think it will most likely reinforce my birth control theory.

I just have to say...I miss my dog! As much as I liked to tell Brian She was his dog...She was mine. I miss her snuggles and her excitement when I would get home from work. How she played and how she was always under my feet looking for some sort of loving...mostly how protective of me she was...she really did love me, however I don't miss the steamy dogie piles.

So what is a reasonable amount to walk into a car dealer with for a down payment?...not BMW down payment..but cheap like I have to kinda buy my first car all over again down payment...hmmm something that is on my mind.

So now that I'm back In blog land I suppose I should actually blog...what a concept. I miss blogging...It was kinda my social life there for a bit. I Have had more issues with my computer than I need. I think I'm going to be going for a new one as soon as I can afford such an extravagance.

So the last year...It's been long and interesting. Full of adventures, lessons and stress. I have to say I have learned so much and grown up even more. I have discovered I really need to pay more attention to myself...And I'm not allowed to get wrapped up in boys...it's against the rules.
In the last month things really kinda got crazy for my family and I. My grandfather started having health problems and so did my father. My dad is still not doing very well, though neither is my mother, but while there I also realized I can't fix their problems and I needed to solely focus on my life. My Grandpa died two days after I returned to Alaska. Brian and I didn't work out..never really does when its a 70/30 split. relationships have to be 50/50, and we weren't pulling it off...he had so much going on in his head he didn't know which way was out. But, I am happy now to say it is over no regrets no more pretending everything is ok. But I am Home now...and that is most important. I have applied for a couple jobs, i will be starting school in the fall...and from there we will see how things go...

So I need to read my posts before I post...I see this. So the last few months have been very eventful for me. I have enjoyed my self, learned many a lessons, no regrets..I'm all good though. I mis some things but I am rather glad to be here.. I have a lot of work to do though...

Home...

I am so glad to be here... I have missed home soooooooo much. I'm very glad to see I was missed. I'm really looking forward to this summer, however, finding a reliable vehicle is my fist and foremost goal which comes with getting a job...but I have some Ideas. Anyhow I am glad to be here...Lessons learned and everything aside...No Regrets...I am Happy...I have a lot to work on...besides When did Shana Peirce her eyebrow?...that was a shocker...I do know I will never move away again...this is Home. Vacations maybe...but that is it. I was kinda bummed to find out that my friends care more than family...but I should have known that when I left...that is why i was here and they were there. Yea so I am babbling now...be back laters...

Where is my Audience?

Missing everything...even the snow...

I can't say it enough....IIII MMMIIISSSS YOOOOUUUUU!....everyone....so in 4 days it will be a year and a half for Brian and I. Today I went to work , went about my business...stocking the cooler, mopping floors,...ok reorganizing the cooler...prior training sorry I'm a little O.C.D. My co-worker popped his head in the cooler and asked if i wanted some pizza...eh sure why not better than junk food from the store. go to wash my hands....ooo pretty someone got flowers today...I happend to notice the note on a big white piece of paper...yea I'm nosey I had to read it...even the " Love, Brian" (and hour into my shift of my second job for the day) totally walked away and about 5 second I stopped....and had to go read it again....It was for me!....my co-worker was in shock..."you just noticed that?"...sorry I was lost in my own little world. I have such a great man...quirks and all...He's mine...and I want the whole world to know. once again surprised me completly...But that was the highlight of my day...the rest was just work and that's no fun!....ok this morning was kinda nice...even got some "extra" attention before work...He's was playing it all day now that I think about it...hmmmm what a goof...But I love him.

Like My New Look?

Yea I decided it was time for something brighter, and more focused. That is kind of how I'm feeling. I really do miss everyone...but at the same time i feel like I've made progress in my life and that stepping away is really what Brian and I needed to refocus on us and take the next step in building our relationship. The first couple months were really tough. However we've both learned a lot, and also we've gotten so much closer to each other. Still we have a long road to go...but none the less I won't be going it alone.(I also spiced up myspace)

OOOooOOoOO I'm shakin in my boots

Well so welcome back to the world of the internet....again... finally have my own internet...nobody can take it MUHAHAHAHAHA...hehe sorry I'm excited. I will have to get pictures of my new house on here...Brian and I are doing really well. The stress level is diminishing. surely don't expect it to go away but we are working really hard.

Last weekend our Neighbor took a can of raid to our dog then came after her with a baseball bat while she was on her lead in her yard. still working on than one... lacking a police report for some reason. and some other things....but yea working on that...I'll be making an appointment with the police chief....*sigh*

Not that I want to bring this here...but yea sorry...going to anyhow. There has been a little mud slinging going on. and well yea, decided to do a little reading today just to see what was going on. Really truly i was astonished. My friend...my BEST friend was literally attacked by a mangy two faced cow. yea don't look it's scary. lol I really can't help but laugh...and I'm sorry to who may ever be disillusioned to think that I wouldn't stick up for my BEST friend. no matter anyones rights wrongs or otherwise. a friend is someone who knows everything about you and still loves you just the same. Shana is many things to me. and YES I will defend her...I noticed not many others jumped to it. this is a woman who has done many great thing in her life. she has a heart of gold. and is far from selfish. *sigh* it really saddens me that there are such immature and pathetic people in this world. but anyhow I've said my piece about this. I will not reply to anymore comments...anything else said will just be ignored on my part...I just really hope no one is going to overstep their bounds. this is really sad that people think they need to sling mud...anyways enough of this....Happy thoughts.

I have to go put my other half to bed I will post again soon....I MISS YOU GUYS!!!!!

OK just so you guys don't think I'm just hiding out somewhere I finally got my camera charged....YAY! anywho here are a few pictures...











these trees are everywhere, I'm not sure what they are but they have these beutiful pink flowers all over. they line the streets with them, it's awesome. if i have a yard ever i'm going to have to have some. here is close up...



















Aren't they pretty! oh so Pretty!...A walk Anyone?









Cheap Cigarettes...welcome to tobacco country...







New meaning to Roll your own huh?

Hmmm...kinda lost as to where to start...not a whole lot going on. other than just waiting. talked to my aunt in Wassilla today, she says I need to do everything in my power for my parents. or when something happens I'm going to have regrets. but at the same time I can only help them if they want to help themselves...but how can they do that when they don't think there is anything wrong. what d I need to call Adult services and animal control...god I could just see her turning my life upside down then...it would be hell on wheels. But I'm not going to allow her to have me over there at her beckon call all the time cooking and cleaning for them when ll it does is make me crrraaazzzyyy...that and they wont let me do what really needs to be done. grrrr....so yea we are paying the credit card of, we have everything else up to date,

so then we can just leave. I'm pretty much going to go over there and say ok look this is what i have to offer, you need to make these choices, i have this much time, and these are your options. and if thay decide not to do it well I give up. And my family is going to hate me. can't even get my brothers to return e-mails or calls, they are just glad i'm here and they arent. makes me want to just disapear into the horizon...sever all contact, and pretend i don't know anything...

OK so I'll try to make it a little longer for you...just a couple more letter...now it is longer?...yea yea ok a real post...I WANNA RUN AWAY...I'm ready to take my man the dog and everything we own and run away from my family and never return....never talk to them...hell why don't I just change my name. My mom is spreading rumors. my brother that is suppose to own both these houses won't return my calls. my mom is playing the oh I'm dying game. my dad is really sick and she's having him call and be like can you do this and that and this and that...*sigh* but it's not just them either. My cousin has missed me in the last 10 years and really thinks i need to just stay here with her and forget about Brian. everyone else here think i can do better and blah blah blah...what if I think he is the best I can do and I do want to build a life with him. Jeez...can't seem to get people to quit worrying about my life.

My mom has so put me on a pedestal to these people...shit she even told my cousin that I actually did graduate high school and finish college....oh and Shana...you'll love this one...all those little things that my mom never unpacked to use so she came down here and bought new one...guess who has all the stuff I asked for when my mom left Alaska....guess what...my cousin has all of it!...the mixer, her knifes...stupid little things that just made me go wow...after all that...anyhow...im going back to sleep night night

I'm Back

Just wanna say hiiiii! I'm back online again...and even my own computer wooowooo!!!

Hi there...just FYI I'm moved over to my cousins, and there is Internet over there but I am having problems with my video card so I may be distant for a bit, but i will be in and out of my moms and i promise I will still post.

OH yea and this was in the front yard...Cute huh?...at least you thought they were...how would you like to pick that up and move it out of the road?...

Goooood morning... afternoon yea ok it's a little late. I'm just bored mostly right now...contemplating talking to my parents we are going to move over to my cousins but I'm worried that my mom is going to freak, you know how she does when I leave... I dunno I'd think she'd understand. the house wreaks and no matter what I do it still smells. and then there is no AC in the trailer. and Stephi has a huge extra bedroom. soooo common sense says...yup that's what I'm thinking. the only concern is that of Blue and Dozer. but we have kennels and gates...*crossing fingers*

So Brian and I went fishing on the lake the other day. was pretty cool I got one hell of a tan. Brian caught an 18" cat fish...they fight pretty good. I got skunked. total bummer...found out yesterday that my dad is having trouble with his liver as well now. his blood pressure has been pretty high the last week or so. the Doctor said it is a combination of things that is causing the high blood pressure. but the liver is the main one. the other is that he is down to zero lung capacity. so yay one more thing to concern about. but I've got to run...catch ya laters.

Thunderstorms

So the dog is finally found something that puts fear into her little bones. thunder...I truly think she thinks it is gunshots...but it makes her crazy. the last few days it has been in the mid 90's here with an incredibly high humidity so we get thunder showers every night. I think it's cool I love watching the storm...can't say the same for blue.

Brian and I are kinda at our stress point as far as my parents go. we are going to be moving over to my cousins so that first we have AC and can actually sleep and second so I can be a good 30 min drive from my parents. my mom is playing her normal mind games...getting my dad to do her dirty work or calling me when she has something to nit pick at Brian about like I'm his mother! we have gotten a lot of work done here but there is so much more. I have been keeping in contact with my brothers so that they know what is going on. neither of them had any idea how sick both of my parents are...my mom has been playing it as everything is pppeeeaacchhhyy. WRONG!!! so yea I've been trying to keep them on the ball.

everything else is going well. I have an interview on Monday @ Macy's for visual merchandising...not sure if I'm going but I thought it would be a lot of fun. I figure I'll go to the interview to at least see what they are going to pay me...never know might make me rich...sorry I just woke up I must still be dreaming... laters

N.C.~ Hot...Sticky and I've got a tan!

Well Hello everyone, It's great, I got to go through and read everyones recent posts. I'm so glad to hear everyone is doing so well. I have missed you all terribly. I saw all the pics. from jim's creek and memorial weekend....yup...I cried like a baby....I miss it soooo much. I'm glad everyone is enjoying thier summer though.

Brian and I are doing well, It has been in the mid 90's here almost 100% humidity..we pray for cloudy rainy days around here...but I will say I do look like I spent a week in Hawaii... I promise I will do my best to post on a regular basis. things are hectic around here...but that goes with living on the same side of the country with my mom! lol anyhow I am doing well I will spill more later...

I'm Back...Miss me yet?

So I'm connected again woowoo...seems as though I've missed a lot...guess I have some reading to catch up on. Since i don't have have a whole lot of free time I will do my best to stop in and post. have a good night...I've missed blogger land

You know...I realized something today...I got all brave and wore a nice long denim skirt to work today...but ...Fat people should never were those...I felt like a tube steak....just a thought

So I can't go anywhere with shana without torturing myself so I've noticed...And I just noticed I beat her to Blogging today which will probly never happen again. But anyhow... We took the kids including Amaris to the park....Ok the school but everyone knows they have cooler play equipment...God I miss being in elementary school. So we played it was late but it was still light out! hehe...

we made our way around the school yard...And then we got to the swings...heh I love to swing...You feel like your flying..*sigh* until you go so high you start losing your stomach...But nope I was allllll goood...However as I'm flying through the sky I thought to myself...hmm I bet I could still jump like I did then...It's only pea gravel...Really nice cushion...Little impact...I could do this...So I catch the right speed...Adjust....And the dismount...*THWACK* ugh...You really shouldn't try this while wearing a purse....So I tried to hang myself...It was an accident I swear....Forgot all about the purse in fact...But as usual when with shana I crumpled to the ground hysterically laughing....Just another sight to see...BUT my feet didn't end up above my head this time!