Where is my Audience?

Missing everything...even the snow...

I can't say it enough....IIII MMMIIISSSS YOOOOUUUUU!....everyone....so in 4 days it will be a year and a half for Brian and I. Today I went to work , went about my business...stocking the cooler, mopping floors,...ok reorganizing the cooler...prior training sorry I'm a little O.C.D. My co-worker popped his head in the cooler and asked if i wanted some pizza...eh sure why not better than junk food from the store. go to wash my hands....ooo pretty someone got flowers today...I happend to notice the note on a big white piece of paper...yea I'm nosey I had to read it...even the " Love, Brian" (and hour into my shift of my second job for the day) totally walked away and about 5 second I stopped....and had to go read it again....It was for me!....my co-worker was in shock..."you just noticed that?"...sorry I was lost in my own little world. I have such a great man...quirks and all...He's mine...and I want the whole world to know. once again surprised me completly...But that was the highlight of my day...the rest was just work and that's no fun!....ok this morning was kinda nice...even got some "extra" attention before work...He's was playing it all day now that I think about it...hmmmm what a goof...But I love him.

Like My New Look?

Yea I decided it was time for something brighter, and more focused. That is kind of how I'm feeling. I really do miss everyone...but at the same time i feel like I've made progress in my life and that stepping away is really what Brian and I needed to refocus on us and take the next step in building our relationship. The first couple months were really tough. However we've both learned a lot, and also we've gotten so much closer to each other. Still we have a long road to go...but none the less I won't be going it alone.(I also spiced up myspace)

OOOooOOoOO I'm shakin in my boots

Well so welcome back to the world of the internet....again... finally have my own internet...nobody can take it MUHAHAHAHAHA...hehe sorry I'm excited. I will have to get pictures of my new house on here...Brian and I are doing really well. The stress level is diminishing. surely don't expect it to go away but we are working really hard.

Last weekend our Neighbor took a can of raid to our dog then came after her with a baseball bat while she was on her lead in her yard. still working on than one... lacking a police report for some reason. and some other things....but yea working on that...I'll be making an appointment with the police chief....*sigh*

Not that I want to bring this here...but yea sorry...going to anyhow. There has been a little mud slinging going on. and well yea, decided to do a little reading today just to see what was going on. Really truly i was astonished. My friend...my BEST friend was literally attacked by a mangy two faced cow. yea don't look it's scary. lol I really can't help but laugh...and I'm sorry to who may ever be disillusioned to think that I wouldn't stick up for my BEST friend. no matter anyones rights wrongs or otherwise. a friend is someone who knows everything about you and still loves you just the same. Shana is many things to me. and YES I will defend her...I noticed not many others jumped to it. this is a woman who has done many great thing in her life. she has a heart of gold. and is far from selfish. *sigh* it really saddens me that there are such immature and pathetic people in this world. but anyhow I've said my piece about this. I will not reply to anymore comments...anything else said will just be ignored on my part...I just really hope no one is going to overstep their bounds. this is really sad that people think they need to sling mud...anyways enough of this....Happy thoughts.

I have to go put my other half to bed I will post again soon....I MISS YOU GUYS!!!!!

OK just so you guys don't think I'm just hiding out somewhere I finally got my camera charged....YAY! anywho here are a few pictures...











these trees are everywhere, I'm not sure what they are but they have these beutiful pink flowers all over. they line the streets with them, it's awesome. if i have a yard ever i'm going to have to have some. here is close up...



















Aren't they pretty! oh so Pretty!...A walk Anyone?









Cheap Cigarettes...welcome to tobacco country...







New meaning to Roll your own huh?

Hmmm...kinda lost as to where to start...not a whole lot going on. other than just waiting. talked to my aunt in Wassilla today, she says I need to do everything in my power for my parents. or when something happens I'm going to have regrets. but at the same time I can only help them if they want to help themselves...but how can they do that when they don't think there is anything wrong. what d I need to call Adult services and animal control...god I could just see her turning my life upside down then...it would be hell on wheels. But I'm not going to allow her to have me over there at her beckon call all the time cooking and cleaning for them when ll it does is make me crrraaazzzyyy...that and they wont let me do what really needs to be done. grrrr....so yea we are paying the credit card of, we have everything else up to date,

so then we can just leave. I'm pretty much going to go over there and say ok look this is what i have to offer, you need to make these choices, i have this much time, and these are your options. and if thay decide not to do it well I give up. And my family is going to hate me. can't even get my brothers to return e-mails or calls, they are just glad i'm here and they arent. makes me want to just disapear into the horizon...sever all contact, and pretend i don't know anything...

OK so I'll try to make it a little longer for you...just a couple more letter...now it is longer?...yea yea ok a real post...I WANNA RUN AWAY...I'm ready to take my man the dog and everything we own and run away from my family and never return....never talk to them...hell why don't I just change my name. My mom is spreading rumors. my brother that is suppose to own both these houses won't return my calls. my mom is playing the oh I'm dying game. my dad is really sick and she's having him call and be like can you do this and that and this and that...*sigh* but it's not just them either. My cousin has missed me in the last 10 years and really thinks i need to just stay here with her and forget about Brian. everyone else here think i can do better and blah blah blah...what if I think he is the best I can do and I do want to build a life with him. Jeez...can't seem to get people to quit worrying about my life.

My mom has so put me on a pedestal to these people...shit she even told my cousin that I actually did graduate high school and finish college....oh and Shana...you'll love this one...all those little things that my mom never unpacked to use so she came down here and bought new one...guess who has all the stuff I asked for when my mom left Alaska....guess what...my cousin has all of it!...the mixer, her knifes...stupid little things that just made me go wow...after all that...anyhow...im going back to sleep night night

I'm Back

Just wanna say hiiiii! I'm back online again...and even my own computer wooowooo!!!

Hi there...just FYI I'm moved over to my cousins, and there is Internet over there but I am having problems with my video card so I may be distant for a bit, but i will be in and out of my moms and i promise I will still post.

OH yea and this was in the front yard...Cute huh?...at least you thought they were...how would you like to pick that up and move it out of the road?...

Goooood morning... afternoon yea ok it's a little late. I'm just bored mostly right now...contemplating talking to my parents we are going to move over to my cousins but I'm worried that my mom is going to freak, you know how she does when I leave... I dunno I'd think she'd understand. the house wreaks and no matter what I do it still smells. and then there is no AC in the trailer. and Stephi has a huge extra bedroom. soooo common sense says...yup that's what I'm thinking. the only concern is that of Blue and Dozer. but we have kennels and gates...*crossing fingers*

So Brian and I went fishing on the lake the other day. was pretty cool I got one hell of a tan. Brian caught an 18" cat fish...they fight pretty good. I got skunked. total bummer...found out yesterday that my dad is having trouble with his liver as well now. his blood pressure has been pretty high the last week or so. the Doctor said it is a combination of things that is causing the high blood pressure. but the liver is the main one. the other is that he is down to zero lung capacity. so yay one more thing to concern about. but I've got to run...catch ya laters.

Thunderstorms

So the dog is finally found something that puts fear into her little bones. thunder...I truly think she thinks it is gunshots...but it makes her crazy. the last few days it has been in the mid 90's here with an incredibly high humidity so we get thunder showers every night. I think it's cool I love watching the storm...can't say the same for blue.

Brian and I are kinda at our stress point as far as my parents go. we are going to be moving over to my cousins so that first we have AC and can actually sleep and second so I can be a good 30 min drive from my parents. my mom is playing her normal mind games...getting my dad to do her dirty work or calling me when she has something to nit pick at Brian about like I'm his mother! we have gotten a lot of work done here but there is so much more. I have been keeping in contact with my brothers so that they know what is going on. neither of them had any idea how sick both of my parents are...my mom has been playing it as everything is pppeeeaacchhhyy. WRONG!!! so yea I've been trying to keep them on the ball.

everything else is going well. I have an interview on Monday @ Macy's for visual merchandising...not sure if I'm going but I thought it would be a lot of fun. I figure I'll go to the interview to at least see what they are going to pay me...never know might make me rich...sorry I just woke up I must still be dreaming... laters

N.C.~ Hot...Sticky and I've got a tan!

Well Hello everyone, It's great, I got to go through and read everyones recent posts. I'm so glad to hear everyone is doing so well. I have missed you all terribly. I saw all the pics. from jim's creek and memorial weekend....yup...I cried like a baby....I miss it soooo much. I'm glad everyone is enjoying thier summer though.

Brian and I are doing well, It has been in the mid 90's here almost 100% humidity..we pray for cloudy rainy days around here...but I will say I do look like I spent a week in Hawaii... I promise I will do my best to post on a regular basis. things are hectic around here...but that goes with living on the same side of the country with my mom! lol anyhow I am doing well I will spill more later...