Seemed like a bad day all around...
Cept shana getting to move in to her house...Have I mentioned...IT ROCKS woowoooo...
S.T.A.S.H.
To the Right ladies...
*sigh*..So I got my answer on the baby thing...Not what I wanted, however probly the best all around. I totally feel like I need to take a step away from life and think about me and what I really want.I worry I've damaged a relationship, one that could have been a life long friendship, with a really great person...Don't know that it will ever be the same. I'm really willing to give it another chance..but I need to refocus on my life first.
Feel like I blew it I shouldn't have let it get my hopes up...*sigh* and I really don't want to call all the docs and cancel my apptmnts. I hate listening to them :(
really wish right now I had someone to snuggle and fall asleep with..Yea yea ladies I know...Pull out the vib....But its not like that.
anywho..I'm gonna go pass out...Night night
Friday, October 28, 2005
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Whatever
Ok so I've been working..Woo freakin woo..It's pretty cool, I enjoy it..And it's getting me out doing things. Tell ya what though there are some crazy's in this town. anywho, sorry I haven't blogged in a while...I feel like I'm neglecting everyone with everything that's been going on.
Ok...So let me step back a couple weeks....I found out I'm pregnant...Most of you that read this know that by now, please no names, anyhow that has been a trip all in its self...At the moment I'm really not sure I'm pregnant or not still, I went in the other day to CPC to get a pos. Precinct test and a due date confirm. On an ultra sound... My appt. started out with a "counseling session" yea right... I might has well have went to church...The lady asked me about my religious beliefs and blah blah blah..So I told her I've been learning about different religions and I'm really undecided at the moment..Well she took that as an in, she decided she needed to explain Christianity to me. Yea so I sat through that trying so very hard to tune her out. She went through all the normal pamphlets for Precinct after the pos. Precinct test, even gave me a lil baby cross and a baby's first prayer book...After that we went in to do the ultra sound...The tech did her thing...She didn't "see a heart beat"..All the sudden they both got totally sympathetic on me and a sorry your baby is dead attitude. didn't hesitate to take all the pamphlets and stuff back and then insisted on praying with me...So I talked to my normal doc and I guess seeing a heart beat so soon is minimal..So I really have no clue at the moment...
Now...Seems as though you ask some...And they think its too late...It's gone...Well I'm sorry people... Until I get a nag. prego test...Or start bleeding like a banchi...I have no reason to believe otherwise...
seems as though in the last couple weeks my life has gone to hell and back...Not the first time...And I'm sure it wont be the last...Welcome to life. Just as I thought things were getting to be somewhat calm in my life *wack* there's the 2x4 across the face.
K so I'm going to go on a rampage for a moment...Or two...yesterevening, I came home to a couple of my friends in a heated "debate" online...Was rather entertaining to get commentary from both sides...But you know good ole' me...gotta make everyone happy..Not that I can, but damnit...I'm gone try. Anyhow...I stayed neutral, and did my best to stay out of it. Well when all was said and done...I was asked what I thought..So I figured cool someone wants my opinion on the subject...Well stupid me I was wrong...What was being asked of me was to see the screwups one made and to tell the other good job... At least that's what I got but I could be wrong again..Not perfect ya know..And it was 4am...Anyhow...Anyone that knows me AT ALL...Would first know I wouldn't do that...It's inconceivable to me...I have few friends in this world and the ones I do have I cherish with all my heart. I see them all as equal...I wont do it...Anyhow I think I thoughroly upset one of these parties...Which tears me up inside..Because it hurts me more than anything to do have that happen...As if there wasn't enough going on in our lives already...Anyhow...I don't know how to fix this one, I don't know that I can for that matter... I am who I am...And I can't be sorry for that.
My brain hurts...My hormones are all messed up..I just started a new job that I'm trying to do my best at....I have way too many things to take in..I care way too much..And I'm still putting everyone before me...Not that its bad...But I do...I'm learning though. But I still can't help but cry myself to sleep for the last few nights...Not sure I really even know why...But last night for the first time in a rrreeeaaaallllyyyy long time..I thought about not wanting to be a part of this world anymore..I scared myself...I hate feeling that way...Not that I'd ever do anything stupid...But I still thought about it. I really don't know why, just way too much...I've been hurt I am hurting, I'm emotional...What happened to me...The one that's always calm, has a creative solution...Guess that's just for everyone else's issues...And because I can't seem to get my brain to slow down enough to get anything out...All I can do is cry..soo for now..I think that's what I will do.
to all of my friends... I care about all of you dearly...Some of you more than you will ever understand.
Ok...So let me step back a couple weeks....I found out I'm pregnant...Most of you that read this know that by now, please no names, anyhow that has been a trip all in its self...At the moment I'm really not sure I'm pregnant or not still, I went in the other day to CPC to get a pos. Precinct test and a due date confirm. On an ultra sound... My appt. started out with a "counseling session" yea right... I might has well have went to church...The lady asked me about my religious beliefs and blah blah blah..So I told her I've been learning about different religions and I'm really undecided at the moment..Well she took that as an in, she decided she needed to explain Christianity to me. Yea so I sat through that trying so very hard to tune her out. She went through all the normal pamphlets for Precinct after the pos. Precinct test, even gave me a lil baby cross and a baby's first prayer book...After that we went in to do the ultra sound...The tech did her thing...She didn't "see a heart beat"..All the sudden they both got totally sympathetic on me and a sorry your baby is dead attitude. didn't hesitate to take all the pamphlets and stuff back and then insisted on praying with me...So I talked to my normal doc and I guess seeing a heart beat so soon is minimal..So I really have no clue at the moment...
Now...Seems as though you ask some...And they think its too late...It's gone...Well I'm sorry people... Until I get a nag. prego test...Or start bleeding like a banchi...I have no reason to believe otherwise...
seems as though in the last couple weeks my life has gone to hell and back...Not the first time...And I'm sure it wont be the last...Welcome to life. Just as I thought things were getting to be somewhat calm in my life *wack* there's the 2x4 across the face.
K so I'm going to go on a rampage for a moment...Or two...yesterevening, I came home to a couple of my friends in a heated "debate" online...Was rather entertaining to get commentary from both sides...But you know good ole' me...gotta make everyone happy..Not that I can, but damnit...I'm gone try. Anyhow...I stayed neutral, and did my best to stay out of it. Well when all was said and done...I was asked what I thought..So I figured cool someone wants my opinion on the subject...Well stupid me I was wrong...What was being asked of me was to see the screwups one made and to tell the other good job... At least that's what I got but I could be wrong again..Not perfect ya know..And it was 4am...Anyhow...Anyone that knows me AT ALL...Would first know I wouldn't do that...It's inconceivable to me...I have few friends in this world and the ones I do have I cherish with all my heart. I see them all as equal...I wont do it...Anyhow I think I thoughroly upset one of these parties...Which tears me up inside..Because it hurts me more than anything to do have that happen...As if there wasn't enough going on in our lives already...Anyhow...I don't know how to fix this one, I don't know that I can for that matter... I am who I am...And I can't be sorry for that.
My brain hurts...My hormones are all messed up..I just started a new job that I'm trying to do my best at....I have way too many things to take in..I care way too much..And I'm still putting everyone before me...Not that its bad...But I do...I'm learning though. But I still can't help but cry myself to sleep for the last few nights...Not sure I really even know why...But last night for the first time in a rrreeeaaaallllyyyy long time..I thought about not wanting to be a part of this world anymore..I scared myself...I hate feeling that way...Not that I'd ever do anything stupid...But I still thought about it. I really don't know why, just way too much...I've been hurt I am hurting, I'm emotional...What happened to me...The one that's always calm, has a creative solution...Guess that's just for everyone else's issues...And because I can't seem to get my brain to slow down enough to get anything out...All I can do is cry..soo for now..I think that's what I will do.
to all of my friends... I care about all of you dearly...Some of you more than you will ever understand.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Slacking...
Yea yea yea....so I havn't blogged in a few days...Been workin woowoo...ok yea so its kinda boring but interesting...and I get to soooo mess with drunk people MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Anyhow...here are some jokes to keep you occupied for a few...laters
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER ( OR NOW )
1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.
OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
3 Getting a little action means," I don't need fiber today."
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
Thoughts for the weekend . . .
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
But Most Of All, Remember !
A Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!
Anyhow...here are some jokes to keep you occupied for a few...laters
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER ( OR NOW )
1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.
OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
3 Getting a little action means," I don't need fiber today."
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
Thoughts for the weekend . . .
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
But Most Of All, Remember !
A Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Working..woowoo
So I got a job...YAY! For me. I'm actually rather enjoying it. The people are pretty cool...And I see a person for a matter of minuets...And well yea and cause it is a liquor store...I'm In charge MUAHAHAH...Not the customer...Kinda nice. I'm learning a lot. Still trying to figure out where everything is...But that will take some time
....Did I mention..I smell like Bacardi Razz?...My mishap of the day, I was facing shelves and knock a bottle of it all over the floor..Behind the register of course..And all over my jeans....Was thinking how I was going to explain the stench to the officer if I got pulled over on the way home...Would be my luck lol..."Honest officer, I work in a liquor store"...heh I wonder how many times he's heard that... I could just see it...
....Did I mention..I smell like Bacardi Razz?...My mishap of the day, I was facing shelves and knock a bottle of it all over the floor..Behind the register of course..And all over my jeans....Was thinking how I was going to explain the stench to the officer if I got pulled over on the way home...Would be my luck lol..."Honest officer, I work in a liquor store"...heh I wonder how many times he's heard that... I could just see it...
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Dashing through the snow....
In a one horse open sleigh..Ok so the green bean has got a few more horse's under the hood...But it was snowing!!!!!! Not for long darn it but it was!!!....Oh I can't wait to go find some kickass places to go sledding this year...Just hope I can find somone to go with me...Love the end of the circle ladie's...But well yea..It's the kiddie hill...*sigh* snow...gimmie 6 months I'll be sick of shoveling it...Cause BOB SUCKS!
(picture was taken 2 years ago, by me, around the kink flats on the Glen highway)
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
I'm Here
i'm here...Kinda lol...just been trying to get everything in order for work and school, would like to be prepared. * rolling eyes* anywho...i'm a round
I do very much love kitty cats....but i know a few who could get into a situation like this. lol
Friday, October 07, 2005
Today
Today...hmmm..Yes...Today, I got 2 phone calls, I've got interviews for two out of three jobs I applied for the other day...Which I think is pretty good, I was going to go apply for a few more tomorrow but I think I'm going to wait until after my interviews. Feels good to actually be looking for a job and making progress...Its been a long time since I've had to look for a job. I kinda almost sorta miss being in the public.
hmmm....What else.....OoooOOoOOOooOO...I BOUGHT A COUCH!!!!...Finally...I can actually lay down on it and more than one or two people can sit on it at a time...It's...It's...AAAMMMMAAAZZZIIINNNGGGG! LOL...Anywho...Going to have to break it in now *wink*... But it's soooo comfy...thinkin I might sleep on it tonight instead of my bed, just because I can!!! MUAHAHAHA...Sorry I'm a little over excited about the couch...I'm so in love with it.
I got pretty Lucky, I called this lady that wanted $180 for a couch...kinda rolled my eyes when she told me...Then I started asking about it...usualls...Any pets blah blah blah..And then I wanted to see it...She lived up in Discover heights....Ok no one knows where that is....Way yuppie...I would put money on it...That this couch was moved into this ladies house by the furniture movers less than a year ago...God only knows how much she paid for it...The couch was still in its original spot it was brought into the house...And even the cushions have never been flipped...I think I got a deal..Specially when I got it for $150.
Hmmm..Anything else interesting...Oh yes..Shelley drug me out to a Bonfire last night...Literally drug me...I just wanted to go to bed but noooooooooooooooo....hmm so yea ill admit it was fun...I had a really good time. Got to play in the mud with shelley's truck hehe, hung out with a bunch of people I didn't know, but they were all really awesome. Then we all went to denny's...LOl thnxs to me being DD...GEEZ something must be wrong I'm finally 21 and I still don't drink *rolling eyes*...Whatever I had fun.
Lets see I'm still working on paper work for school. Have to get a hold of my parents tax info. BLAh...Don't see why they have to go off their income....Don't even live here anymore...But it sucks...oh well...Cant wait to get back to school...Feel like I don't have a ball & chain w/ MOM painted on it following me around...But I'm actually being motivated and getting things done so I'm doing good.
however I did spend some money on clothes...They came in the mail today...Only had one thing that was really too small...But not for long wooowoo...
alright well nighty night all...laters
hmmm....What else.....OoooOOoOOOooOO...I BOUGHT A COUCH!!!!...Finally...I can actually lay down on it and more than one or two people can sit on it at a time...It's...It's...AAAMMMMAAAZZZIIINNNGGGG! LOL...Anywho...Going to have to break it in now *wink*... But it's soooo comfy...thinkin I might sleep on it tonight instead of my bed, just because I can!!! MUAHAHAHA...Sorry I'm a little over excited about the couch...I'm so in love with it.
I got pretty Lucky, I called this lady that wanted $180 for a couch...kinda rolled my eyes when she told me...Then I started asking about it...usualls...Any pets blah blah blah..And then I wanted to see it...She lived up in Discover heights....Ok no one knows where that is....Way yuppie...I would put money on it...That this couch was moved into this ladies house by the furniture movers less than a year ago...God only knows how much she paid for it...The couch was still in its original spot it was brought into the house...And even the cushions have never been flipped...I think I got a deal..Specially when I got it for $150.
Hmmm..Anything else interesting...Oh yes..Shelley drug me out to a Bonfire last night...Literally drug me...I just wanted to go to bed but noooooooooooooooo....hmm so yea ill admit it was fun...I had a really good time. Got to play in the mud with shelley's truck hehe, hung out with a bunch of people I didn't know, but they were all really awesome. Then we all went to denny's...LOl thnxs to me being DD...GEEZ something must be wrong I'm finally 21 and I still don't drink *rolling eyes*...Whatever I had fun.
Lets see I'm still working on paper work for school. Have to get a hold of my parents tax info. BLAh...Don't see why they have to go off their income....Don't even live here anymore...But it sucks...oh well...Cant wait to get back to school...Feel like I don't have a ball & chain w/ MOM painted on it following me around...But I'm actually being motivated and getting things done so I'm doing good.
however I did spend some money on clothes...They came in the mail today...Only had one thing that was really too small...But not for long wooowoo...
alright well nighty night all...laters
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Lala
Well it seems as though my parents are on their journey...Talked to my aunt today, they've made it to Whitehorse. Lost a wheel & spring on the trailer...I'm just glad they were in a town when it happened. So since they are in Canada...And have made it past customs, I feel a big huge weight gone off my shoulders..I love them dearly..But now I can get on with my life..
And I did just that today, I went and filled out 3 job app's and I also went to UAA and got my stuff straightened out...Which is good...Looks like I might be going back this spring *woowoo*. Can't wait to get back into pottery and get all dirty again..I miss it sooooo much. I also have to go get approval from my professor for the advanced class. anywho...Feel like I actually got something done..Have to thank someone for starting my day off very nice *grin*...So have a good night all...laters
And I did just that today, I went and filled out 3 job app's and I also went to UAA and got my stuff straightened out...Which is good...Looks like I might be going back this spring *woowoo*. Can't wait to get back into pottery and get all dirty again..I miss it sooooo much. I also have to go get approval from my professor for the advanced class. anywho...Feel like I actually got something done..Have to thank someone for starting my day off very nice *grin*...So have a good night all...laters
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